hi.

They say it takes 10,000 hours of doing something to become an expert. So, the way I see it, I’m an expert on laundry and anxiety. Usually unrelated to one another, but not always. My particular “brand” of anxiety falls into the health and wellness category (niche down you know). It’s basically where you think you’re dying…always, which ironically is the case for everyone every day, we’re all just slowly edging our way to the grave, right? But, with health anxiety…well…I think about it more. It’s exhausting to wrap my warped brain around the probability that I stand a chance to face more diseases and disorders this year than most will face in their entire lifespan. I’ve self-diagnosed and overcome so many different types of cancers I can’t even remember, I’ve battled MS, early onset Parkinson’s, heart defects and attacks, strokes, blood clots, worms in my brain, high levels of metal in my blood that react to the power lines on the freeway… the list goes on. I’ve banned myself from Web MD. It’s always cancer there…oh your pinky hurts?…that’s definitely butthole cancer.

So many of us go through the day disguising our struggles, our grief, our brokenness. Geeze, I honestly believe I’ve been masking since childhood…and that’s for another post for sure, but I’m finally feeling more than ever that it’s ok to throw that idealistic view of how life “should be” out the freakin window. It’s not even close to perfect, it never will be and it’s honestly such a waste of our limited and precious time trying to achieve some sort of perfect…usually just so we RELATE. “I’m normal, see I do ‘normal’ things” …well you know what? There is truly NO NORMAL. Everyone is INDIVIDUAL.  We have similarities, but that’s about it. And part of those similarities is being a little wonky with our fears our worries our “anxieties”. Health anxiety looks like A LOT of things. Here…it looks like a woman heading into her 40s, homeschooling and homemaking, grumbling under my breath at the never-ending pile of laundry and annoyed by having to figure out what to cook for the millionth time this week…trying to keep my head above the waves most days, but realizing that’s ok too.

So, this is me just giving a little intro to one of my many quirks. I plan on delving into more on this matter in the future. I’ve got a story or 20 to tell that might make you smile if your humor is tinged with darkness like mine. And if you struggle a little…or a lot…I see you. You are not alone and you can take that mask off. Any judgement you receive is likely from someone that doesn’t deserve your concern. Really truly. You’re not dying, not today…but you might wanna see your doctor for that pinky, girl.